Dorian

i fear what i’ve become
but how i love it so
never needing to know
the guilt and pain of my sin
it has been cast
onto another
an innocent soul i know nothing of
life is my pleasure
and i take what i please
relishing the dark beauty
that stares back at me
knowing i can have whatever i desire
judgement and innocence fleeting
everyday i find myself further from you
from who i was
and i am beautiful

to be whole

head swimming
with sickness
body aches from the same
feeling useless and tired
body shutting down
screaming at me to slow down
too much happened too fast
it made me cold
wanting to be useful
but knowing I need rest
so here I lay
in the dark with a pounding head
looking forward to the day
when I remember
what it felt like
to be whole again

I Wish I Wasn’t Real

I desire not to be real
to not have a heart
to not have to feel
life would be easier
if this hurt didn’t exist
the loss of a loved one
the absence of a kiss
If I wasn’t real
I wouldn’t have to know
the struggles of this world
all the people just putting on shows
I wouldn’t understand
disease and despair
of all the toxins
we humans put in the air
I wouldn’t have to deal
with selfishness and anger
my heart would be pure
never in danger
I wish I wasn’t real
than I wouldn’t have to
feel the way I feel

Fleeting Joy

my heart aches
i can’t seem to surrender
i want to give it all away

but my mind won’t let me
i hold on too tightly
to so many things I could never change

joy is fleeting
slipping through my fingers
it’s like trying to catch water

most will fall on the ground
and evaporate by heat
and so the cycle starts again

as it raises into the sky
forming together
so I wait underneath this cloud

with my face turned up towards the sky
i anticipate the rain
hoping this time the joy will stay caught

and I’ll be drenched.

All Things New

wanting, waiting
longing for you
desperation
you’ve shown me truth
bitter heartache has
become all too real
letting go of the things
I feel
you’re my savior
your heart makes me live
creation longing
for your return
people yearning, falling on their knees
anxious hearts
still able to part the seas
who am I o Lord
that you would call me yours
my life in your hands
my heart beating for you
your grace is sufficient
you make all things new